New year come to me babeh!

It's Christmas tomorrow! Oh yeah. I'm super hyper thinking about it.

Main reason is because I want 2012 to come faster.

I want to start school badly! Lol. I know I'm weird. Hahaha.

Kay, I'll give y'all a short post today.

I'll upload pics of christmas soon! :)

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year everyone! :)

Countdown to 2012.

Yes. I'm like eager for 2012 to come. I want it come sooner. I need it to come sooner. New year new resolution? Yeah, that's why. I need new resolutions. Urgh. I'm puzzled. I feel sad but not sad. I feel strong enough to face him but not really. I feel happy but not happy. I don't know! All I want is to not worry about this thing anymore. It shouldn't be mine to worry! It's just isn't fair, somehow. I'm not over it, and I don't think I wanna be over it. That's the problem. I don't know why I have to go through this over and over again. I just wished I wasn't the one who has to go through this. But I'm coping. In every possible way I can. I'm trying not to think about you. Life takes it's toll by throwing dices at me, and all I can do is breathe. :) Take it in one step at a time and try not to break down. But ladies! Not knowing anything bout that someone is better than  knowing anything about that someone. Remember this i tell you! Til now, I still cant find that place where I could pore all my feelings to. Til now, all that anger, that frustration has never been let out. I can't. Forget.

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I know you're there. You give me strength to face each road block. :)

I'm not okay.

依然爱你-王力宏

一閃一閃亮晶晶　留下歲月的痕跡
我的世界的重心　依然還是你
一年一年又一年　飛逝僅在一轉眼
唯一永遠不改變　是不停的改變
我不像從前的自己　你也有點不像你
但在我眼中你的笑　依然的美麗
日子只能往前走　一個方向順時鐘
不知道愛有多久　所以要讓你懂
我依然愛你　將是唯一的退路
我依然珍惜　時時刻刻的幸福
你每個呼吸　每個動作　每個表情
到最後　一定會　依然愛你
(依然愛你　依然愛你…)

我不像從前的自己　你也有點不像你
但在我眼中你的笑　依然的美麗
日子只能往前走　一個方向順時鐘
不知道愛有多久　所以要讓你懂
我依然愛你　就是唯一的退路
我依然珍惜　時時刻刻的幸福
你每個呼吸　每個動作　每個表情
到最後　一定會　依然愛你
(依然愛你　依然愛你…)

我依然愛你　或許是命中注定
多年之後　任何人都無法代替
那些時光　是我這一輩子最美好的
那些回憶　依然無法忘記
我依然愛你　這是唯一的退路
我依然珍惜　時時刻刻的幸福
你每個呼吸　每個動作　每個表情
到永遠　一定會　依然愛你

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I feel like crap. About him. I don't get how he could just do that and leave. Leave and not look back. Is it my fault or is there something really wrong with me? Like seriously. They say the tighter you hold on to somebody, the faster they leave you. Maybe. :/ I'm tired of feeling like this.  I guess happiness isn't mine to endure now. I really don't know anymore. You just left. Just like that. I wasn't wrong. I was right. I thought about it before but I told myself : He'll never do that to me. Hmph. Guess i thought wrong. I just feel like crap. Fucking crap. For few months now, nothing can make me forget about the pain. I tried. I just cant. It ain't that simple, well at least for me. I thought friends, family, work, dance would keep my heart away from you, but it didn't. I need to stop thinking about you. Somebody help me. SOS.

Dots dots dots.

Kay, I got a perm about a month ago i think. 

Before, 

 

 

And then, after

How does it look guys? I need opinions. :)

Curls definitely added age to my look. 

I guess. :/ I'm satisfied with it? Haha.

It's not really curly yet not too straight. Just perfect hehe.

I hope my hair grows faster!

I want long wavy hair! Like seriously long long wavy hair! *grumpy face*

I love her wavy hair! I want mine like this.

I don't know if I should keep my fringe to the side or like hers.

Vanessa Hudgens's. I loveee! :)

Hair, come on. Grow. Grow.

This hair style is more... Erm. The curls are more curly! Haha.

I don't like it tooo curly, but I like how she tied it up.

 Nice and simple.

Hmm. I wanna try this some day. :)

GOSH, I WANT HER HAIR! 

Arghhhhhhhhh.

Holidays. School holidays. Hmmm.


#1      Work. taught me lessons, life lessons. I wasn't sure that I even wanted to know what the real world is like out there. There's nice people who would help you just because they want something out of it. There's people who would bring you down with just a few words because of some misunderstanding. There's people who don't have respect at all for other people. There's people who treat you like a maid just because you're working. Sucks right? Yeah. Mummy said that's life. Two tiny words came out of mummy's mouth. Two little simple words but yet so complicated. Worked my ass off for a month then finally. FINALLY. got my salary. Gave mummy, daddy and sis parts of my salary. Ended up with. $0. Money ain't easy to earn. Don't spend it like you own the world! I mean it kids. Haha I'm still a kid too.


#2     Nerves. are kicking in. Woooo. Pmr results on CHRISTMAS DAY. Hah. How am people gonna rejoice when their nerves are kicking in, thinking about their results. Hey government, Christmas aint about you or whatever. Not you, not politics, no shits. It's about Jesus! Come on la. Okay back to the point, I hope my results are "look-able" *fingers crossed.


#3    Pressure. A standing ovation for those seniors who've done it before me. I salute you all! I really do. Being the dance choreographer for orientation may seem as a simple task. But when you sitting infront of a lappy thinking what to do. And the inspiration does not come. It ain't easy at all. Really. :(:(:(:( Okay, my original song was O.K - B1A4 and now it changed to DREAM HIGH. My vision of the dance was always, from the beginning, was to use a korean song. Years years of orientation, why can't things be different for a change? I felt like crap because of the people. Yes the people. At the end, people will asking who choreograph this dance? Who chose this song? All fingers will be pointed in my direction, not you guys. At the end, I will be the one taking the fall. Get it? You know how it feels when people say why is the song like that? Why this and why that? It wasn't even my decision. And now I'm taking the blame, as usual. Figures.


#4    You. God knows you'll never look here. So what the hell. You make me fucking pissed at you everytime I see your name on facebook. I don't know why. Things have changed, without a doubt. But you haven't. I know you. I saw the way you stare at me. I regreted being so close to you for that time. I got attached. But that was my wrong-doing. I'm like glad that I don't have to face you anymore since you're form5 and next year will be a totally new start for me. I hope it would be. But then again, I don't know whether to let go or keep going. I'm being pulled back and forth here. I'm torned. After all this time, I never let it out. I didn't cry. I didn't talk to people about it. Writing always seemed to be a better way to help me let out my feelings but somehow, it doesn't anymore. I have no idea when, I stopped writing my diary. I somehow hope I could loose all my memory and start over again. That way, I can at least be me.

last day last freaking day.

I have no idea why. I love this song. So listen to it for yourselves alright?

I'm kinda bumped that my form three  life is practically over.

I'm waiting for the last day to be exact. :/ yikes.

Last day's subject : English & History.

God knows I've already given up on my History cos it's too freaking annoying with all chinese words.

Weird because I'm chinese but I hate chinese. Now who's with me? Haha.

I had the weirdest feeling. Hmph. It sucks at the same time so yeah.

After a few month of ditching church, I went last Sunday.

The praise and worship never failed to make me happy again. ;)

And hearing what the priest had to share that day really helped me as well.

God has his ways to help us. Believe in him. :)

:(

 

I'm not okay at all. :(

It's not easy at all. :(

It's killing me in inside. :(

I thought I'll be fine by now but I'm not. :(

Why why why and why's. :( 

sleep does justice for us.

Hmm, woke up with a new day. Hee.

Thank God, he heard all my prayers all along. :)

I went to sleep last night, feeling how to say :/ err, assured! , finally. 

If I said that I wasn't worried then I'll be totally lying. But now, I'm okay. For now.
I still miss you. Like alot. More than I hope to.
I miss your hugs alot.
I woke up feeling way better than yesterday.
So yeah, I'm happy. :)
Oh I'm excited about work with yeo hui hui! :D
10 more days, yay!

Life goes on, i guess? Well, at least i want it to be.

 

Still got tonight - Matthew Morrison

If you're not home, I'll sit here on your doorstep
Button up my coat and wait
We'll go upstairs close the curtains and we're all set
to pick up where we left again
There's question marks hangin' over us
But we won't give the time of day, oh
'Cause all we got is these few stolen seconds
And we can't let them go to waste

The stars collide
We come back to life
We come back to life
The sparks will fly
One look in your eyes
My heart's open wide
I know time's running out now
But we'll hold back the sun somehow
See the sky?
We've still got tonight
We've still got tonight

Come 9am
I'm packing every suitcase
Leave you in your bed so warm
I'll do my best not to wake you but it's useless
Can't tiptoe 'round this no more, oh
It's gonna get much harder
Before it gets better baby and that's for sure, mmm
Just say you'll wait for my footsteps on the staircase
And I will walk back through this door

The stars collide
We come back to life
We come back to life
The sparks will fly
One look in your eyes
My heart's open wide
I know time's running out now
But we'll hold back the sun somehow
See the sky?
We've still got tonight
We've still got tonight

So keep your eyes open
There's no time to close them
Just hold on
So tight now
We still got tonight
(We've still got tonight)
(We've still got tonight)

If all we got is these few stolen seconds
We can't let em go to waste

The stars collide
We come back to life
We come back to life
The sparks will fly
One look in your eyes
My heart's open wide
I know time's running out now
But we'll hold back the sun somehow
See the sky?
We've still got tonight
We've still got tonight

We've still got tonight
We've still got tonight

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Life as we know it. It's still a mystery in all our cases. Yes, typing admitting but denying in my heart & on my mind, I do miss my past. I miss it without a doubt. When I see babies/kids, I'm talking to them in my heart, saying, *hi young ones, you guys still got your whole life ahead of you, don't you guys ever wish to grow up faster because you'll really regret it. You'll miss the days when you didn't have to deal with your clothes, your hair, your shoes, your feelings, your life. Live each day as if it's your last alright? Make that day the longest even though it's short as hell. As I watched them running up & down a clinic or wearing a bee costume walking in a diner, I just miss those days when life just wasn't a climb, when I could really have sweet dreams, when I can tie my hair in any way even though it's fugly (fucking ugly) just because I'm a kid & that everyone who stared at me would react the same, *Awwwwww, she's adorable! Now all has changed. I am now 15, going to be 16. Almost 16years I have been breathing, taking in everything the world has pushed down my throat, looking around & wondering what if, as always. Truth is, in reality, there are no what if's. What if's only exists in the past when we are too coward to face life. I thought I wasn't/ couldn't never be strong enought to face every single challenge that I had faced. To my surprise, I was strong, but in my own way. I faced it differently, in a way that even God wouldn't understand why, but that's me. I fight for my rights, I'll fight for it as long as it's mine to win. I'll win as long as I try. :) I'll stop here.

life after pmr?

Pmr ended faster than i would ever imagine. I kinda miss it? Err. I miss the anxiety before the exams. Hahaha. Juniors having it next year and the year after, good luck! :) I should be head over heels after the exams but I feel like the opposite. You know life, as always, gets in the way. We can't control it, we just mourn over the fact that we lose things that matter to us. I didn't / wouldn't care for uec actually. I know that I'm sure to fail for history and geography uec. Hah. Its just too freaking hard. I gave up two years ago. So whatever la. I'm currently blogging here with the tv on, thinking what everyone is doing in school, I wish I was there. Yeah. I miss sitting in the class & talking away. Hahaha. Oh well. Most of all, I miss him. I miss him a lot.

hols.

Okay, I think most people agree that this hols is sooooo boring right?

I mean at least for me. Hmph.

But thank god next week I'll be busy as hell & I know i'll miss days like this.

Lately, many things had happened. Good & bad.

Friends, family, love you name it.

I'll be lying if I said I'm okay cause obviously I'm not.

At least I have that ass. Grateful cos of him :)

He did soo much for me, hmm thank you! Haha. 

I'm still thinking how to repay him back. Hmm.

#29 & #30.

29th April.
I'll let the pictures talk :)

 Camwhore :)

 Dearest huihui :)

 Family ;)

 Daddy *act cute* :D

30th April.

Such a shame that I left my phone with him. Otherwise i could took more photos. 

Anyways, yesterday night went well! ;)

#23.

Another day, another post. Unfortunately yours truly's mood today wasn't that good after all. Went to school record video and dicuss a couple of things for a teacher. Most of the people there didn't even aprreciate what we were doing, they just play all that time! Tell me it doesn't piss you off? They just pressed their cells the whole time. Urgh, I rushed home to go to rehearsal for 30th. But, the rehearsal only started at 3pm! Yeah, that really killed my patience. Luckily, dearest huihui was there with me <3 And there was a really annoying, loud, bossy anutie there. Oh my gosh, huihui just staright called her bitch haha. I'm telling you, she's something but normal. LOL. And double sad face, he's in bad mood today. :/ it affected me also damn. Anyways, have a goodnight! ♥

 :Am I doing the right thing? Lord, please guide me.

hello april?

Creepy sticking photo. Haha. Nice at the same time.

So hello peeps! Its has been months since i posted anything here hahaha. Yea i admit that I've been busy & lazy at the same time to update here. I spent most of my time on Twitter. Yeah Twitter is the new Facebook, and Facebook is the new Friendster :) Form3 has not done a single favor to me since day1, it has been like going through an optical course with sharp nails and other dangerous thingys. Lol. Maybe the pressure did get to me. I can't cope with the exams! My brain has limited space you know? Oh and the dances has been great except for bom bom pow, I need to finish this one asap! Because 30th is next week! Its freaking next week ,what am I gonna do? O: I'm gonna die. But on the good side, i lost weight! Yea I lost weight! Okay, I'll stop here.

Thats enough for me, thanks alot.

Yes, we do things then we either regret or share that joy. You're dissapointed, i am too. Thankyou for everything. :)

sorry for the wrong reasons.

I dont understand why humans act this way?Do all humans act like this huh, tell me.We hold grudges even when we dont know a thing about that thing.Yea but the truth is, I did mess up.Maybe it was telling me something but maybe not.You said it yourself right? When it comes to love, everyone is selfish. So yes I am.

But then part of me was trying to please you the whole time, i guess i failed real bad huh?I can say that I'm fine with how are things now, I can say that I dont careBut the fact is I really do care. And yeah, i break my promise.But at least do not blame it all on me. Because I'm human and i do things for myself cause im selfish yes.Friendship and sisterhood never did mean that much to you, if you could throw me away like this.Yeaaaa, i get it. You hate me for what I did. You can hate me. Who said not to let it become our stepping stone? 

Yea you have feelings that I once ignored. Because I have my own feelings too.I cant force myself to pretend that i dont know him. I cant not reply when he's my brother, I cant not say hi because he's my brother. I know, you think that I did it because i love him right? The fact is, i realised its not him. Yea I might have feelings for him before but not now. I realised too that he caused me many things. But in the end, you also broke ur promise right? You told most of the people about me. Yea you can say that you did that out of anger and plus i broke my promise. What I'm trying to say is, I never did wanted to take him away from you. Maybe you thought so or maybe you felt threatened. Im sorry for that reason. But I'm not sorry that sometimes i do text him, because he's my brother and long before you two happened, we were already that close.I am devastated that you ignored what i had to say and just assumed everything on ur own cause.We both got used to it. I'm not expecting you to ever forgive me, but at least after reading this, you'll understand.

sorryyyyyy!

人一生所做的, 不能要面对审判的时候才认罪.

一句对不起不一定能换来一句没关系.

重点是这个.

我知道你很难受, 所以我一直都在对你说对不起.

我知道你不会原谅我, 所以我选择不再跟他联络.

我知道你很爱他, 所以那时候我选择没有跟你坦白的说完事情.

我知道你以后也不会把我当成同样的姐妹了, 所以偶尔我会想哭.

我知道我这样做你会有安全感, 所以我愿意退出.

i wish.

I wish i was her. I wish i could be her because she's the one he loves sooo deeply that I cant replace. I wish i could be her so that I wont sit there looking at my phone thinking whether should i reply him. I wish i could be her because she has the one thing that I love the most. I wish i could be her because she can tell him how much she loves him without any boundaries. I dont want to be her because she's always a better friend then I'll ever be. I dont want to be her because I'm not as amazing as she'll be to him. I dont want to be her because she's my friend. But these are just my 'i wishes' , im happy for them :)

cny.

 ♥.

Sibu, here I come! :)

you make me smile like the sun.

Yeah, your mine :)

I dint know you til last year, I met you because we talked accidentally :) afterwards everything went uphill, you know i know. All I can say is you are a little something what I call amazing ♥ like the title above, you make me smile, yeah really make me smile & I'm really grateful for that, that I can know you :) I never told anyone about you because I promised myself this time, its just us. Nothing much to say, but i miss you! 

Rainie Yang 楊丞琳

曖昧♥

曖昧讓人受盡委屈 找不到相愛的證據
何時該前進 何時該放棄 連擁抱都沒有勇氣

只能陪你到這裡 畢竟有些事不可以
超過了友情 還不到愛情 遠方就要下雨的風景

到底該不該哭泣 想太多是我還是你 我很不服氣
也開始懷疑 眼前的人 是不是同一個 真實的你

曖昧讓人受盡委屈 找不到相愛的證據
何時該前進 何時該放棄 連擁抱都沒有勇氣

曖昧讓人變得貪心 直到等待失去意義
無奈我和你 寫不出結局 放遺憾的美麗 停在這裡

life goes on.

28-29.01.2010 :)
Sports Day. 

On that day, I was like really really really worked up. I slept at past 4am before Sports Day. Yeah, past 4am because doing new pompoms for new students, urgh. Slept for 2 hours plus only! Okay nevermind that, first went to dian ming first because I was afraid the teacher dint saw me. Afterwards when to marching point & danced pompom, it felt great huh? :) We all did a great job! ♥ Yiilui, huihui, tiff, eva & I went to 2o2o to meet up with horng, nick, oswin & dilly. lots of funny things happened there, it was really fun! face problem ah yiilui! :D Skip skip skip - erm after that, we all went to parkson walk here walk there. Suddenly hear people call my name, i thought is who, who noes? is Jack chew -.- then talked with kent liew a while then continue walk again :) tiff went to alan to cut her fringe ohh, nice! :) skip again - giahorng said saw richard catching people at ground floor when we still eating at sushi king so we straight run. 10 people fit in giahorng's car, wooooooooooooooooooooo kik! xD ♥

 

听一听我的心思 :)

錯的人- 蕭亞軒

明知道愛情並不牢靠 但是我還是拼命往裡跳
明知道再走可能是監牢 但是我還是相信只是煎熬
朋友都勸我不要不要 不要拿自己的幸福開玩笑
但是做人已經那麼累 假惺惺的想要逃
在愛裡連真心都不能給 這才真正的可笑
愛得太真 太容易 讓自己犧牲 太容易讓自己沉淪
太容易 不顧一切 滿是傷痕
我太笨 明知道你是錯的人
明知道這不是緣分 但是我還奮不顧身
明知道愛情並不牢靠 但是我還是拼命往裡跳
明知道再走可能是監牢 但是我還是相信只是煎熬
朋友都勸我不要不要 不要拿自己的幸福開玩笑
但是做人已經那麼累 假惺惺的想要逃
在愛裡連真心都不能給 這才真的真正的可笑
愛得太真 太容易 讓自己犧牲 太容易讓自己沉淪
太容易 不顧一切 滿是傷痕
我太笨 明知道你是錯的人
明知道這不是緣分 但是我還奮不顧身
可能 在愛裡面這樣算笨
可能 永遠沒有所謂永恆
但是我 不願放棄這裡面一點點可能 寧願笨也不想要悔恨
愛得太真 太容易 讓自己犧牲 太容易讓自己沉淪 太容易 不顧一切 滿是傷痕
我太笨 明知道你是錯的人 明知道這不是緣分 但我還是奮不顧身
我太笨 明知道你是錯的人 明知道這不是緣分 但我相信有點可能

hello dust.

Dear brain, sorry for overloading you with thoughts of him.

Dear tummy, sorry for all the butterflies.

Dear pillow, sorry for all the tears.

Dear heart, sorry for all the damage. :')

Sorry for the dust here, I was super lazy to update & also didn't had the time to, haaaa :) Okay 2o11? I'm not really a fan of this year tell you the truth. Being in 3a really set the bars high & really really really stressful in that class, although we are not that serious like 3sc, we have the same level of stress, hmmmm *sad face* I cried few times already because of stress, yes it's almost killing me! *sad face again* I have tons of things on my mind but I can't express it to anyone so tell me what am I suppose to do huh? I really have no idea what to do anymore *triple sad face* that person I used to rely on is not there anymore, I cant talk to anyone cause everyone seems wrong. I miss last year, 2b. I'm sure many miss it too right? ;') Today I got a taste of last year today, yeah I'm used to it. I miss my hubby annie & also nurul laaaaaaaaaa, I miss jih & soooooo on ); haiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, I wanna scream but I cant. I wanna cry but I cant. I want relax but I cant. I wanna laugh freely but I cant. I want smile but I cant. I wanna dance but I cant. Every sentence has a cant! );